Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
