apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
