When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
