I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
