guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
