just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
