Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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