I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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