I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
