I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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