It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
