Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
