Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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