He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
