So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
