is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
