sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
