Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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