i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The struggles of a small town man whore
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
