His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
