You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
