My room smells like vodka and shame
I bet he comes in French.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
