so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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