I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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