Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
