she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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