That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
