we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
