No stitches, just platelets and will power
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
