Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
