we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
