she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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