Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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