there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
