That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
