Your tits are I can't wait for
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
