At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
