I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
