I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
