People in love make me want to vomit
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
