There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
