Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
