it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
