I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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