you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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