Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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