I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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