So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
