Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
