my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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