In the future we'll all be gay
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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