his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
