Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
