Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
