Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
