if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
