So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
