so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
