Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
