why do cheetos always look like penises
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I AM VODKA MAN
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
