I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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