He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
