My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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