Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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