Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
