Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
