i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
